Why I've been gone for so long

Still learning about myself at age 45

Wow! It’s been a while since I’ve popped up in your inbox. Last November, I had a lot of family issues that needed my full attention. Then I fell into one of my anxiety/depression spirals.

I couldn’t figure out why things like consistency were so hard for me. I felt like a loser. Some days I still do.

Then at the ripe old age of 45, I learned that I have ADHD. Epiphany seems an inadequate way to explain what happened next. My entire history shifted into a different light. I understood that so many of the issues that I had thought were laziness, incompetence, and anxiety were just the result of my brain being wired differently.

The pandemic brought my scaffolding of conscious and unconscious coping mechanisms crashing down.

I now understand that I have to rethink everything about the way I’ve structured my work and life so that I’m working towards my strengths not forcing myself to conform to the way our hyper-capitalist system has tried to condition me.

Because of years of trauma and recent life experiences, I feel broken and ashamed. However, for the first time in a long time, I see a way forward towards healing and contentment.

What does that mean for this newsletter?

I thought about quitting the Weirdo Poetry newsletter like I’ve quit so many other things in life. But I can’t do that. I love writing for my small audience and trying to build a weird community.

I also know that my past methods for growth are not sustainable for me and my weird brain.

I am going to be creating a few different sections for this newsletter. A few mini-zines with different focuses. I will be describing more about these in the next newsletter.

You will be opted-in to receive all the sections at first, but I will show you how to only opt into the ones you want. I won’t have a regular publication schedule for each section at first, if ever. But I will publish something in at least one section each week.

I’m also going to be publishing more books later this year!

Thanks for your love and support as I’ve tried to navigate through everything.

Be the weird you want to see in the world!

Cheers,

Jason

P.S. One thing I can tell you about one of the newsletter sections is that the one for my haiku is going to be called Weirdoku.