Over the past 10 years I’ve been slowly rolling out my writer identity in stages. I managed the courage to tell people I was a freelance copywriter. Later I’d sometimes just say writer, but if anyone asked what I wrote, I’d only mention the sales copy and not the stories and poems I also wrote.
Last week at the Starbucks drive through the barista asked what I did and I accidentally said I was a poet. I thought I was going to puke. I had to add that my day job was copywriting though. Why? Why am I like this? It’s not like the barista cares, she’s just tying to do her job and that includes small talk with people waiting for their venti hot chocolates with almond milk no whip.
I love your work! I get that feeling of insecurity, though. I alternate between liking my writing and feeling it's not good enough to cut it.
The risk I'm thinking of taking is serializing a 4- book series. The platform that invited me to be one of its first writers 2 years ago is still not up and running, so now I'm faced with either continuing to wait or striking out on another platform, where my work will almost certainly be lost among that of a million other users.
I think part of being an artist is doubting yourself because what we create often feels like a pale imitation of the idea we hold on our mind. We just have to learn to let go of our expectations and release our work!
I hope you find a way to get your 4 book series out. I want to read it! I also love your work!
I too, like all other creatives, have a daily fear of my work being pointless, foolish, or a waste of time spent where instead I could be earning cash toiling away on other's pointless and foolish projects. But alas, I power through these sisyphean fears and just remember that the act of creativity is sometimes more important than the end result.
Although I would hope at least a few people appreciate my goofy creations.
I think your phrase "sisyphean fears" sums up pretty well this sensation. I thoroughly enjoy your goofy comics, I'm especially loving your current run about the band.
I’m in the same boat as you, Jason. I share the same fears, the same self-doubt. It’s gotten easier for me over time in terms of telling people that I write. But those thoughts and fears always linger somewhere in the back of my mind. You’re not alone!
Many of my students know I write. (They like to Google their teachers and find out as much as they can about them.) Most think it’s really neat, and some of them keep asking me to bring in my stories for them to read. I promised them I will, so now I have to follow through before June 24. I can’t help but cringe a little bit!
“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”
I feel that.
Over the past 10 years I’ve been slowly rolling out my writer identity in stages. I managed the courage to tell people I was a freelance copywriter. Later I’d sometimes just say writer, but if anyone asked what I wrote, I’d only mention the sales copy and not the stories and poems I also wrote.
Last week at the Starbucks drive through the barista asked what I did and I accidentally said I was a poet. I thought I was going to puke. I had to add that my day job was copywriting though. Why? Why am I like this? It’s not like the barista cares, she’s just tying to do her job and that includes small talk with people waiting for their venti hot chocolates with almond milk no whip.
That pervasive self-doubt is so relatable. I’ve lived it for 50-some years, and creativity amplifies it all the more.
Risk: the future launch of a new substack to celebrate my late mom’s art. Fear: finding motivation and readership.
That sounds like a fun project! I will subscribe and read when you’re ready to launch!
I love your work! I get that feeling of insecurity, though. I alternate between liking my writing and feeling it's not good enough to cut it.
The risk I'm thinking of taking is serializing a 4- book series. The platform that invited me to be one of its first writers 2 years ago is still not up and running, so now I'm faced with either continuing to wait or striking out on another platform, where my work will almost certainly be lost among that of a million other users.
I think part of being an artist is doubting yourself because what we create often feels like a pale imitation of the idea we hold on our mind. We just have to learn to let go of our expectations and release our work!
I hope you find a way to get your 4 book series out. I want to read it! I also love your work!
Thank you, Jason. And I agree. Self doubt is inherent for most artists, even the really successful ones
Thanks for your honesty.
I too, like all other creatives, have a daily fear of my work being pointless, foolish, or a waste of time spent where instead I could be earning cash toiling away on other's pointless and foolish projects. But alas, I power through these sisyphean fears and just remember that the act of creativity is sometimes more important than the end result.
Although I would hope at least a few people appreciate my goofy creations.
I think your phrase "sisyphean fears" sums up pretty well this sensation. I thoroughly enjoy your goofy comics, I'm especially loving your current run about the band.
Creativity is an act of righteous rebellion.
I’m in the same boat as you, Jason. I share the same fears, the same self-doubt. It’s gotten easier for me over time in terms of telling people that I write. But those thoughts and fears always linger somewhere in the back of my mind. You’re not alone!
Many of my students know I write. (They like to Google their teachers and find out as much as they can about them.) Most think it’s really neat, and some of them keep asking me to bring in my stories for them to read. I promised them I will, so now I have to follow through before June 24. I can’t help but cringe a little bit!
It's good to know that there are so many of us who feel this way!
What a gift your daughter is for you!
I don’t remember the exactness of this quote, or who said it:
‘Yes, you suck. Right now. Tomorrow you will suck a little less. And then one day they’ll write about how you are an overnight success.’
If anyone remembers who said this and what they actually said, I would be grateful!
That reminds me of this Ira Glass quote:
“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”
Ah yes I know this quote. Thanks for reminding me of it!