Father's Day Fairness

And a few thoughts on what fair means

Hello, Children of Fathers!

I had a dysfunctional relationship (to say the least) with my own father, and I know that days like Father’s Day can be tough. I use Father’s Day to celebrate my relationship with my children, and my nieces and nephews. I hope no matter what your situation, you find some peace today.

But Dad, it’s not fair
I’m blad, yet I clean the hair
out of all the drains

Fairness?

When I was growing up, I complained a lot about things not being fair. And I hated it when my parents would retort, “Life’s not fair.”

I understood that life wasn’t fair. But did that mean we shouldn’t try to make it fairer? Do we just have to accept unfairness?

Many years and four kids later, I still feel much the same way. I also understand that sometimes children have an incomplete understanding of fairness. The comic above is based on a real conversation I had with my children. And that is one difference between the way I parent and the way I was parented.

We have conversations about fairness and equality all the time. We don’t always agree, and that’s good for all of us. However, we have a running dialogue about these issues because they are critical to our world.

I had a law school professor who taught Trusts & Estates. It was a class about wills and estate planning. Professor Volmer would frequently tell us that, “Equal isn’t always fair, and fair isn’t always equal.”

This is a saying I tell my children often. We don’t split the work equally in the family because that wouldn’t be fair. We are a family, and our capacities are always shifting. Sometimes that means some of us have to do more work because, at that moment, we are more capable. Contributing to our capabilities is fair, but that means that the workload is almost always unequal.

Sometimes the only bald guy has to clean the hair of all the long-haired people out of the drains, and that’s okay.

Normally, today would be a locked post for paid subscribers. I’m making today’s post free because it’s Father’s Day here in the U.S. and because tomorrow I’m going to be announcing a summer shift in the publishing schedule.

Be the weird you want to see in the world!

Cheers,

Jason