This is tremendous! I love the image of that middle line. It's a beautiful turn from the snow in the first to the death of autumn in the third. I love the pacing here as well. The first line with its action reads fast, then the second line forces us to pause for thought, and your comma in the third line gives us a reason to linger on the death of the leaves and autumn. Beautiful and well-constructed!
I LOVE that you’re reading your Haiku this week. If you’re tallying votes, mine is a loud “keep it up”! That 5-10 second recording adds so much to the experience at the beginning of your publication.
Also, some kudos, there is no doubt you are inspiring people to write more poetry.
Now, on to my full time job. I hope to spend some time with your prompt later this evening !
Very informative! Good point on gate-keeping, and also balancing that with the accuracy of identifying haiku as distinct from English language haiku. It's a balance between being accepting and being accurate, being respectful to traditions and development.
I believe it's still hard for many poets writing haiku in English to feel it's OK NOT to use 17 syllables. It's certainly the hardest part for most of my course participants when they're new to the spirit of haiku, but in fact that constraint so often means dragging the haiku out beyond its natural breathing space, as 5/7/5 doesn't work so well in the English language: 12 or 14 syllables does it better.
Having said that, I agree with you about Clark Strand.
Not so sure I agree with you about this bit though: 'Any three-line poem following the 5-7-5 pattern, regardless of content, can be considered a haiku.'
For me, there has to be that little jolt between lines 2 and 3; IMO, as crucial to the spirit of haiku as a volta to the sonnet. Otherwise it's just a 3-line poem.
I think one issue is the way language has evolved. I think haiku as a term of art is largely a lost cause. Because the common usage is so overwhelmingly in favor of any three line poem with the 5-7-5 pattern being called a haiku, in terms of public poetry communication the battle is over on that front. I'm not sure it's productive to fight for a more limited and refined definition. I'd rather English language haiku just be a big messy party tent.
However, in terms of quality, I do agree that the jolt or cutting word or phrase adds so much depth to the haiku. It can transform something from mediocre to good and from good to great. It's also very challenging to pull off!
Thank you for such an inspiring post, Jason. I have followed up some links and writers you mentioned, and even wrote down my first haiku drafts. I used to write poetry without much knowledge of its various forms, but I seem to now really enjoy playing around with what-for me-is novel formats and ideas. Thank you for sharing so much food for thought, and I agree with Brian, I love hearing poets reading their words.
Thanks! That's great that you're writing some haiku! There is so much to explore with poetry, it's great to find new ways to write and learn what forms and methods work best for you.
I have been sitting in my car sobbing tears of anger and frustration. Shattered, gutted, desolate do not touch how my soul, my physical heart, is aching.
I loved seeing this transformation between what your first wrote and the haiku that followed. Sounds like you were going through some spiritual upheaval. I like the scripture vibe that carries through all of these poems. It’s a poignant lament
Lyrical and so lovely. You are Portuguese and your culture is ancient, gorgeous and full of mystery.
Lírico e tão encantador. Você é português e a sua cultura é antiga, magnífica e repleta de mistério.
in the afternoon rush
the night falls
and a star burns me
Liossi
For me, this marvelous haiku evokes the sudden transition from day to night and the intensity of the night sky. The “afternoon rush” can symbolize the busyness and fleeting nature of life, while the night’s onset represents the inevitable passage of time. The star burning the subject suggests a powerful, personal experience, perhaps a feeling of insignificance in the vastness of the universe or a poignant moment of beauty and wonder.
I love that you tried something new! Your image of a fur friend sprawled on the couch is perfect. It reminds me of our dog Loki. He's a Havanese and he will sit next to one of us on the couch and put his paw on our lap like he's reclining in an arm chair. Wonderful haiku!
This is tremendous! I love the image of that middle line. It's a beautiful turn from the snow in the first to the death of autumn in the third. I love the pacing here as well. The first line with its action reads fast, then the second line forces us to pause for thought, and your comma in the third line gives us a reason to linger on the death of the leaves and autumn. Beautiful and well-constructed!
I LOVE that you’re reading your Haiku this week. If you’re tallying votes, mine is a loud “keep it up”! That 5-10 second recording adds so much to the experience at the beginning of your publication.
Also, some kudos, there is no doubt you are inspiring people to write more poetry.
Now, on to my full time job. I hope to spend some time with your prompt later this evening !
Thanks! I will definitely keep reading the poems!
👏
Very informative! Good point on gate-keeping, and also balancing that with the accuracy of identifying haiku as distinct from English language haiku. It's a balance between being accepting and being accurate, being respectful to traditions and development.
"Good point on gate-keeping." Hear, hear!!
Thank you! Writing poetry should be fun or cathartic, sometimes challenging, but never stressful enough to give one an ulcer
This essay on haiku is a keeper!!
Thank you!
By the way, it inspired me: https://open.substack.com/pub/rdrimmel/p/time-cheats?r=78ihy&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
I love that senryu, thanks for sharing it!
Before my Substack, a journal said, too much rhyme, cutting deep inside.
Great job on breaking down haiku, per usual. Also, you have a great reading voice!
Thank you!
This is great! I don't know why, but I love the meta of poems about writing poetry.
Yes. Thank you for this.
I believe it's still hard for many poets writing haiku in English to feel it's OK NOT to use 17 syllables. It's certainly the hardest part for most of my course participants when they're new to the spirit of haiku, but in fact that constraint so often means dragging the haiku out beyond its natural breathing space, as 5/7/5 doesn't work so well in the English language: 12 or 14 syllables does it better.
Having said that, I agree with you about Clark Strand.
Not so sure I agree with you about this bit though: 'Any three-line poem following the 5-7-5 pattern, regardless of content, can be considered a haiku.'
For me, there has to be that little jolt between lines 2 and 3; IMO, as crucial to the spirit of haiku as a volta to the sonnet. Otherwise it's just a 3-line poem.
I think one issue is the way language has evolved. I think haiku as a term of art is largely a lost cause. Because the common usage is so overwhelmingly in favor of any three line poem with the 5-7-5 pattern being called a haiku, in terms of public poetry communication the battle is over on that front. I'm not sure it's productive to fight for a more limited and refined definition. I'd rather English language haiku just be a big messy party tent.
However, in terms of quality, I do agree that the jolt or cutting word or phrase adds so much depth to the haiku. It can transform something from mediocre to good and from good to great. It's also very challenging to pull off!
I'd agree. My late Zen teacher (Ken Jones) wrote:
out in early sunshine
planting new potatoes
uncertain who I am
That's a good example, for me.
That is a great example! I love that. Thanks for sharing it
Thank you for such an inspiring post, Jason. I have followed up some links and writers you mentioned, and even wrote down my first haiku drafts. I used to write poetry without much knowledge of its various forms, but I seem to now really enjoy playing around with what-for me-is novel formats and ideas. Thank you for sharing so much food for thought, and I agree with Brian, I love hearing poets reading their words.
Thanks! That's great that you're writing some haiku! There is so much to explore with poetry, it's great to find new ways to write and learn what forms and methods work best for you.
No judgement on anyone else’s chosen format but is a true haiku geek someone who actually thinks and occasionally dreams in OG haiku rhythm?
*asking for a friend*
Ha! That sounds pretty dedicated. Your “friend” sounds like a kindred spirit
Of course. In my opinion, when someone starts composing haiku, they begin to shape their thoughts in its form.
Personally, I then need to convert these into spoken sentences.
This morphed into the haikus
following:
I have been sitting in my car sobbing tears of anger and frustration. Shattered, gutted, desolate do not touch how my soul, my physical heart, is aching.
;;;;;
Good morning, Heartache
In a land of dreams, now turning to dust,
Stands a House where trust should be robust.
But lo, with Johnson, dark clouds now form,
A tempest of prejudice in every storm.
Oh, Heartache, do you see this man?
Whose steps rewind, undoing the plan.
The election's voice, he wishes to mute,
Democracy’s song, he tries to refute.
From hate he speaks, with fervor and glee,
A champion of bigotry, as clear as can be.
Against love’s colors, he firmly stands,
Denying rights, tying love's hands.
Heartsick, we watch the rights he erases,
For women's choice, he gives no spaces.
The elderly's safety, he casts aside,
With promises breaking and security denied.
"Covenant marriage", he pushes forth,
Narrowing love, reducing its worth.
A sorrowful dance, to this tune we sway,
For Speaker Johnson leads us astray.
Alarmed, we see, the extreme pulling strings,
As truth and justice lose their wings.
For in his reign, darkness descends,
And the dream of progress, it sadly ends.
;;;;;
Eulogy for Liberty’s Dawn
whisperedMournings
rise
dreams(once vivid)nowwithdrawn;
shadowedHouse
darkly
mourn!O mourn!that
hand
draggingUs against theGrain
voices(pressed)
arelost
pulpit(of bias)
-
intentTochain, stifling;
freedom’sChance,
gone
rights fade:intoBlack,
women’sPaths? disappear&
gone
elders(lost)
behind
“covenant”He says
diminishing(love’s trueHold)
knees;bentHearts weep
trepidationGrows
honesty’sChance fadingFast
liberty’sDawn?
lost
Strong on me those ones Gloria
The first one 😳
I loved seeing this transformation between what your first wrote and the haiku that followed. Sounds like you were going through some spiritual upheaval. I like the scripture vibe that carries through all of these poems. It’s a poignant lament
Today I found 7 more writes here who does nice haikus ( haicai) in my culture
window that opens
the cat doesn't know
if goes , if flows
Alice Ruiz
in the afternoon rush
the night falls
and a star burns me
Liossi
I look alarmed
And if life is
On the other side?
Milôr Fernandes
Awesome! I need to look these folks up!
They are beautifully written.
Lyrical and so lovely. You are Portuguese and your culture is ancient, gorgeous and full of mystery.
Lírico e tão encantador. Você é português e a sua cultura é antiga, magnífica e repleta de mistério.
in the afternoon rush
the night falls
and a star burns me
Liossi
For me, this marvelous haiku evokes the sudden transition from day to night and the intensity of the night sky. The “afternoon rush” can symbolize the busyness and fleeting nature of life, while the night’s onset represents the inevitable passage of time. The star burning the subject suggests a powerful, personal experience, perhaps a feeling of insignificance in the vastness of the universe or a poignant moment of beauty and wonder.
❤️ you are very quick Gloria
Always surprising me
Thank you
My culture is a huge mix of everything
Why it is so rich
Indigenous culture e call as well povos tradicionais
And them the African culture arrived and stayed strongly until now
And all European mixed cultures
See? It is huge
Our music for ex
I can say that
Is one richest in the world
Amália Rodrigues! Legend.
And I realized
Read haikus open my ears for it
And the music from new haikus come to me easily
It is pure music
Truly music. Yes.
remember the time you were feeling
and feeling was the wisest way of knowing
and you didn't even know?
paulo leminsk
That was one was one of my teenager times
Oh yes
sticked on my soul
That is stunningly beautiful wordsmithing.
Here is information and a little essay about the lune, known as the American haiku.
https://xpcallahan.substack.com/p/6282023
Thanks for sharing that! I had heard of a lune somewhere, sometime ago, but didn't have any context for it. I will have to give writing lunes a try!
Do! It’s such a flexible form. I did a chain of lunes centered on kewpie dolls at some point during the summer. In the archive.
Here goes, Jason:
Winter storms
peek over
mountains to see
if we have
harvested
our crops
That’s great! I love the way the way you’ve built the poem here where the words look like winter storm is peaking over the mountain. Brilliant!
I love the restraints of the 5-7-5 format too, but I suppose I’m willing to experiment. Here goes:
Sprawled on the sofa
A small furry friend
Stretches
Like she owns the place
I love that you tried something new! Your image of a fur friend sprawled on the couch is perfect. It reminds me of our dog Loki. He's a Havanese and he will sit next to one of us on the couch and put his paw on our lap like he's reclining in an arm chair. Wonderful haiku!
Thanks! We have a morkie and a toy poodle, but the morkie is queen.