What Do We Owe to the Dead?

This is what it means to be alive

Hello, Poetry Friends!

First, I have a little programming note. I scheduled this post in advance. You are getting it on the day of Max’s (my father-in-law) funeral. This post is about grief and mourning. Everyone grieves in their own way. This post is a reflection of where I’m at in my own spiritual journey and is not meant to be a slight on anyone else’s beliefs or experiences.

I will not be available to respond to comments and emails for a day or two. But I will be reading and thinking about them as they come in.

the dead cannot smell
flowers after a spring rain
this is left for us

What Do We Owe the Dead?

I lived most of my life as part of a faith tradition¹ that made doing work for the dead a central tenant of not only religion, but of life.² It was taken for granted that we all have souls, or spirits, that will continue to exist after we have sluffed off this mortal coil.

I was taught that we had a serious responsibility toward the dead. Their, and our, eternal salvation was at stake. When I turned 19, I served a two-year mission for my Church in Taiwan, where I would preach about this responsibility, among other things.

The most common religious practice in Taiwan involves something many Westerners sneeringly call ancestor worship. It was immediately obvious to me that the people did not worship their dead ancestors. They honored them, and they believed in caring for them—not that different from what I had been taught and was then teaching.

We all owed a responsibility to our kindred dead. In Taiwan, and in much of East Asia, people believe that the dead, or ghosts, inhabit a realm close to ours where they cannot get the essentials they need unless their descendants provide for them. This involved burning images of clothing and money.³ It sometimes involved putting incense sticks near, or in, food to allow the ancestors to eat the spirit of the food.

Life as a devout Mormon, and as a pious Taiwanese son or daughter revolves around taking care of the responsibilities owed to dead ancestors.

I’ve arrived at middle-middle age. (I refuse to concede that I’m old at almost 47, no matter what my kids say.) During my journey, I have accumulated a lot of honored dead. What do I owe these friends and family members?

I no longer believe that I am responsible for their salvation. I do believe in an eternal soul, but I’m not clear on the specifics, and I do not believe we can be clear until we pass onto whatever is next.

I’m also not sure how much congress we mortals can have with the deceased. Are ghosts and spirits real? I’m not willing to bet against it. But one thing I have become confident of.

The only debt or responsibility we owe the dead is to live our lives to the fullest.

the dead cannot smell
flowers after a spring rain
this is left for us

What do my dead parents want from me? What does my recently deceased father-in-law want? Surely, if they want anything, it is for me to love their grandchildren deeply and to live a life of happiness and peace.

They cannot hug their grandchildren, so I will give my children extra hugs for them. They can no longer feel the winder whip their cheeks as it comes off the ocean, and so I will experience that as often as I can.

I do not know what eternity is like. None of us do. We all have our beliefs, often supported by our experiences, desires, and sometimes even our studies. However, like the humble atom is the building block of all matter, single, discrete moments are the building blocks of eternity.

If I want to build a happy forever after, I must fully live as many moments of tiny joy as I can in the present. I will awe at the sight of an eagle diving to snatch a fish out of the river, I will stop and examine the colors of the beetle in my path and be stunned by the gorgeous purple and blue hues, and I will sit with the feeling of contentment as the sun sets in the west and my children laugh at each other’s jokes.

I will do these things for myself in the present because I know that the only way to the eternal future is through the present. And, I will do these things for my honored dead and the cherished living, because only in the present can we ever feel connected.

Artist Note

Grief is not linear. Today’s post and comic are my feelings at this moment. I refuse to speculate about how I will feel in a year, or ten, about these things. I only know that I’m incurably curious, and I will continue to ruminate on matters of human connection and the nature of the soul because that brings me contentment in the present.

Be the poetry you want to see in the world!

Cheers,

Jason

1. This faith tradition is officially known as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It’s more commonly known as the Mormons, and Mormonism comes in a lot of flavors outside of the main Church, headquartered in Salt Lake City, Utah.

2. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has a four-fold mission:

1. Proclaim the Gospel

2. Perfect the Saints

3. Redeem the Dead

4. Serve the Poor and Needy

The last mission was added fairly recently. When I was a young 19-year-old missionary in Taiwan, I was preaching about the three-fold mission.

3. So many cultures all over the world share elements of this kind of respect and care for the dead. You may see echoes of these traditions in the Mexican holiday, Día de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead.